Top Ten Ways to be the Best Single Parent

I recently read an article and it was a great find! I thought for this blog entry that I would simply forward these top ten steps to you from another great source.

1. ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT
Adults and children do better when single parenthood is perceived as a viable option and not as a pathological situation. Start with a positive attitude and focus on the benefits of single parenting, such as less conflict and tension in the home. Many single parents treasure their new-found autonomy and independence and feel hopeful about the future.

2. YOU ARE THE BOSS
Establish firm, clear boundaries that leave no doubt that you are the boss In the home. Single parents (and two parent households) often make the mistake of allowing children to become equal partners or peers, and too many children are running the show. This loads to serious individual and family problems. Children need limits. Use consistent discipline that provides clear expectations and guidelines for behavior and rely on natural and logical consequences. Learn to say, "I love you enough to say NO to you.

3. DEAL WITH OVERLOAD
The single parent frequently feels overwhelmed by the responsibility, tasks, and emotional overload associated with raising children alone. It is extremely important to manage time wisely and to ask for help when necessary. Assign children appropriate chores and tasks. Arrange car pools when possible, and ask other parents for help when needed. My children would not have been able to continue in club soccer were it not for the kindness of other parents providing rides to practices and games.

4. RECOGNIZE THAT YOU ARE ONE PERSON AND YOU ARE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN.
No matter how loving and competent you are, you are still only one person and you are doing a job most agree Is meant for two people. Do not allow your children to manipulate you by making you feel guilty about the situation. Remind children that you are a team and have to work together. Give yourself credit for a job well done. You may have to wait until your kids are grown before you get any credit from them. This is where a sense of humor comes in handy!

5. CREATE A STABLE, NURTURING HOME
Nurturing is a high priority, but children also crave stability and security. While this is important for all children, it is especially crucial for children who have suffered 8 loss of stability due to divorce or death of a parent. Children need to feel secure and protected, and it Is our Job as parents to create a nurturing environment where they can thrive. Your children need to hear how much you love them and how proud you are. Some children may require more affection and attention than others, so know your child, and take your cue from him/her.

6. ESTABLISH SCHEDULES AND PREDICTABLE ROUTINES
Part of creating stability and security in the home involves establishing predictable schedules and routines for your children. Of course, we must not be rigid and inflexible, because children need to learn that life is not always predictable. Find a healthy balance.

7. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
It is critical for your children's well being for you to take care of yourself. There are times when you feel like you need a break. Ask other single parents to trade babysitting or hire a mother's helper. Pay special attention to diet, exercise, stress management, and getting a good night's sleep. Learn relaxation, yoga, meditation, visualization, or whatever healthy coping skill allows you to relieve stress and tension. Take a walk, read a book, call a friend, take a nap (my personal favorite). A stressed out parent results in stressed out kids.

8. DEVELOP A RELIABLE SUPPORT SYSTEM
Develop a wide network of people who can provide you with emotional support, companionship, help in emergencies, child- care, reality checks, etc. Be selective and choose caring, reliable, trustworthy people who will be there for you in times of need. Single parents with healthy support systems usually feel better mentally and physically and demonstrate to their children that it is OK to ask for help. Support groups for single parents offer an excellent opportunity to socialize and share with others in similar circumstances.

9. DO NOT TREAT YOUR CHILD AS A PEER
Do not confide in your child as though he/she is your peer, regardless of how mature the child appears to be. This is a common mistake made unintentionally by many single parents who turn to their child for emotional support and don't realize they are hurting the child until after the tact. Allow children to be children, and find other adults for companionship and support.

10. HAVE REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
Focus on success and not on failure. Set realistic goals as a family and work together to accomplish these goals. Decide what is important and prioritize accordingly. Have family meetings on a regular basis and allow children to have In put. Learn to effectively communicate and solve family problems together while still demonstrating that you are the boss. Give your kids credit and give yourself credit.

 Written by: Shellee Moore, M.F.T.

12 comments:

  1. I am amazed how GOD gives me wisdom. Too confirm with this is how I exactly live life without my sons ' Dad around do to death. I am also blessed by my new man in my life who wants to be a part of their lives and enjoys them a lot. So thank you for giving me the reassurance I am doing something right. Hugs to all.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Wonderful read! =)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wonderful info. I can see from this I am making a few mistakes With my 14 year old, very mature daughter. I have been divorced from her father for 9 years. He is a drug addict so she wants nothing to do with him. He was around for a little while earlier this year and was very helpful. But he is using drugs again so we do not want him around.

    ReplyDelete
  4. These are wonderful suggestions, but I've always found it hard to find anyone willing to be part of any support system. I ask for help when I really need it, but rarely receive it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is probably the most common statement I hear. Praying that people would see the need and answer it. Please reach out here or on my Facebook page if you need prayer or support. http://www.facebook.com/megelowery

      Delete
  5. Hello,
    This is my first time on this blog... I have been looking for a way to connect to other single parents. I was wondering if anyone has any suggestions of a book or literature etc on advice handling my situation with my 6 year old daughter. Her dad left when she was 2 months old. She hasn't seen or spoken to him. I have spoken with her about him since she started asking when she was 4. I don't bad mouth him at all but I have explained to her that b/c he doesn't have God in his heart he makes bad choices and b/c of those choices he is allowed to be apart of our family. She accepted that until recently and she is saying things like "I wish I had a dad" or " I miss my dad" ... I am stumped on how to comfort and how to move forward at this point... any suggestions?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi! Please email me at megelowery@gmail.com and I will provide some resources for you.

      Blessings!

      Delete
  6. I am a 71 year old who raised two sons alone. I read this article and agree and disagree. The machine works great until the kids reach what is called "teens". That is when it becomes very difficult as a single parent. A mother's mothering is vital during the developmental years but there comes a time especially with boys when they need their dad more than their mom. And what to do if the dad was never involved and doesn't welcome a relationship with the child? This article is a bit too cut and dried....too general. I have lived through this and now my son is raising a 17 year old alone. It is difficult.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Elaine, You are right. This is cut and dry and is more as a foundation rather than an answer for each situation. There are so many circumstances that single parents encounter and it is difficult to tackle each one in a single blog. What would you add to this based on your experience and your son's experience now? I appreciate your feedback and input to help others.

      Delete