Changing Regret to Reward

My dad is one of my heroes and I am definitely a "Daddy's Girl".  One of the biggest regrets in my life is that I never finished college like my dad.  I had high hopes in high school of attending Michigan State University like my father and carrying on the legacy of alumni into my own family.  I never made it to an out of state school because I was so very infatuated with my ex-husband (then boyfriend) who wanted us to stay in California.  I just couldn't see into the future to know that one day I would regret this decision and carry the burden for that disappointment with me into my 30's.

I initially attended a city college and my desire was to become a family therapist, however through many personal decisions and submissions, I ended my college career just short of obtaining my Associates degree with the famous phrase, "I will go back after a short break".  Well 13 years later, I am still mortified to write in my biography, resume, or any sort of paperwork that I never completed that degree.  It is bad enough that I feel I let my dad down by not finishing college, but to have to write it on everything that judges my intelligence?  That feeling and burden weighed heavily within my heart.  There were always excuses as to why I couldn't go back.  I wouldn't be able to handle the burden.  I would fail because it's been so long.  It's been too long for any of my credits to transfer over, so I'd have to start from the beginning and there would be 2 years down the toilet.  My son is too little.  The list goes on and on as to the excuses I gave myself for the inability to attend school again.

March 4, 2013 I made a decision.  I decided to quit making excuses and just dive in.  If there is one thing I am learning in this journey of single parenthood, it is that I have to take care of myself just like I am taking care of my son or else we both run the risk of failure.  In order for me to accomplish this personal goal, I needed motivation.  Motivation when you are 20 is completely different than when you are 33 and a parent.  My motivation now is to accomplish what I set out to do 15 years ago, as well as to be a role model for my son.  I want him to have the fullest life possible and with that comes attending college and building his self confidence and readiness for a work life.  I want him to see that I find it important for me so hopefully he can see it important for himself as well. So here I am in my third week of school and I am giving all praise to God for bringing me to the point of saying, "I can do this!" I hope that through my transparency, you will feel motivated to accomplish the goal that you never had the chance to finish.  Give yourself motivation to do something for you that will make you feel accomplished.  What does that goal look like for you?



No comments:

Post a Comment