A couple years ago I boarded an airplane bound for my hometown. While sitting through the emergency
instructions presentation, I heard the words that will forever ring in my head
as being a guide to my life. “In the event that the oxygen level in the main cabin becomes unstable,
oxygen masks will drop in front of every passenger. Passengers are to take
them, secure them to their heads using the elastic band and breathe through the
masks normally. Passengers are instructed to make sure their masks are on first
before assisting other passengers or children.”
Wow, it hit me right between the eyes! Metaphorically, I should be taking care of myself so that I can in turn take care of my son!
Stay with me…
Life is full of ups and downs, twists and turns, and the highs and lows. If we are constantly trying to put the “oxygen mask” on our children to alleviate them of pain, hurt, disappointment, etc., then we are going to eventually run out of oxygen ourselves. It is important that we make sure we are okay also. As busy parents who are covering the load of two, it is very easy to become wrapped up in the day to day and before we know it weeks or months have gone by and we have not taken in our own oxygen. We cannot function to our full capacity in caring for our children if we are not caring for ourselves.
I am very guilty of this during the separation and first few months post-divorce. My son became my everything. I was still a “stay-at-home mom” for the first few months and then after that worked full time and put him in the best daycare I possibly could which drained my pocket book to the point of nothing much left. My schedule consisted of dropping him off around 7:15am and picking him up around 5:30pm. His bedtime was 7:30pm and so there was not much time to do anything but spend time with him. When he went to bed, I went to bed. I was drained and completely exhausted. Weekends were spent doing laundry, cleaning, errands, church and trying to keep connected with the few friendships I had left via the phone/internet. Go, go, and go. That was my life.
It took the first weekend of my son visiting his dad about 1 hour north from where we live for me to sit and think, “now what?” I had spent so much time focused on him that I had no idea what to do when he wasn’t there. After some very hard self-motivation, I spent time with some girlfriends, exercised, box-colored my hair, painted my finger nails, read my bible without distraction, prayed, sang karaoke, met some new friends and just tried to enjoy time with myself. It made me feel great! When Bradley returned I was recharged and ready to give him my all.
You deserve to get to know YOU and you are worth it. You need to put your oxygen mask on every once in a while to ensure you have enough strength to share with your children and those around you. This is a great healing technique as well. Losing a spouse or doing the “single parenting jig” can be a very lonely road if you do not learn how to care for yourself.
What are some things that you do for yourself?
Wow, it hit me right between the eyes! Metaphorically, I should be taking care of myself so that I can in turn take care of my son!
Stay with me…
Life is full of ups and downs, twists and turns, and the highs and lows. If we are constantly trying to put the “oxygen mask” on our children to alleviate them of pain, hurt, disappointment, etc., then we are going to eventually run out of oxygen ourselves. It is important that we make sure we are okay also. As busy parents who are covering the load of two, it is very easy to become wrapped up in the day to day and before we know it weeks or months have gone by and we have not taken in our own oxygen. We cannot function to our full capacity in caring for our children if we are not caring for ourselves.
I am very guilty of this during the separation and first few months post-divorce. My son became my everything. I was still a “stay-at-home mom” for the first few months and then after that worked full time and put him in the best daycare I possibly could which drained my pocket book to the point of nothing much left. My schedule consisted of dropping him off around 7:15am and picking him up around 5:30pm. His bedtime was 7:30pm and so there was not much time to do anything but spend time with him. When he went to bed, I went to bed. I was drained and completely exhausted. Weekends were spent doing laundry, cleaning, errands, church and trying to keep connected with the few friendships I had left via the phone/internet. Go, go, and go. That was my life.
It took the first weekend of my son visiting his dad about 1 hour north from where we live for me to sit and think, “now what?” I had spent so much time focused on him that I had no idea what to do when he wasn’t there. After some very hard self-motivation, I spent time with some girlfriends, exercised, box-colored my hair, painted my finger nails, read my bible without distraction, prayed, sang karaoke, met some new friends and just tried to enjoy time with myself. It made me feel great! When Bradley returned I was recharged and ready to give him my all.
You deserve to get to know YOU and you are worth it. You need to put your oxygen mask on every once in a while to ensure you have enough strength to share with your children and those around you. This is a great healing technique as well. Losing a spouse or doing the “single parenting jig” can be a very lonely road if you do not learn how to care for yourself.
What are some things that you do for yourself?
Yes, yes, yes...a great reminder for all parents, Meg!
ReplyDelete(But, uh -- I'm dying to know: what is "box-coloring" your hair??? :)
:) Thank you LuAnne and since you are all natural I will have to explain that to you someday! lol
DeleteI have been doing the single parent thing for the last month, I'm so lonely and angry. My two young children take every waking moment I have, my ex doesn't take and spend time he just up and abandoned us. So I don't have a outlet and I live in a town 8 hours away from my family, so where do I go for relief?
ReplyDeleteHi Crystal,
DeleteI am so sorry to hear of your situation. I understand the anger and loneliness completely. I too have family far away and therefore they were not an option for me in taking some "me" time. If you have friends or church family that you feel would be willing to pitch in, that helps you create time. If you know of another single parent, consider trading off babysitting. Another option is to seek out a daycare center or professional babysitting service if you can afford this. I've even just taken Bradley to Chuck E Cheese and let him play while I sat in a booth by the exit door to make sure I could have some alone time and keep an eye out for an escaping child. Sometimes you have to get creative but I am confident that you will be able to do this. :) Keep me posted on how you are doing!
I am in the same situation Crystal but my parents live with me. I was angry that I don't get time for myself. I got involved in a church and enrolled them an Awana program on Sunday afternoons. I get relief for 2-1/2 hrs and i used that time to get groceries, have a relaxing coffee break and make new friends. Overtime people would ask if they can help in any way. But as months go by, I talked my children that mommy has to get some time for myself. So now I am able to have dinner with friends or go shopping alobe. Even if I. Only get an hr, it helps me recharge.
ReplyDeleteGreat to hear your story and how you recharge! Thank you for offering up your experiences!
DeleteHi Meg,
ReplyDeleteToday while i was driving home after my class, I was crying. Truth is i'm going thru a divorce now and it breaks my heart whenever i thought about my daughter going through this with me. She is 3 by the way. Also, all the planning and thinking left me mentally and physically exhausted. But God is incredibly good to me. He prompted me to read your blog today before i sleep and this blog that you wrote bring great comfort.
Meg, thanks for starting this blog.
Hi and thank you for sharing your story! Going through divorce is extremely mentally and physically draining! I will pray that God gives you strength through this time. "He who began a good work in you, will be faithful to complete it!" Take heart and know that you will get through this time and that there are good things in store for you. I am so happy to hear that you are already seeing good things coming from God! Blessings to you and your little girl. Thank you for reading this blog and I am so blessed and humbled to see how God is working through this blog for you.
ReplyDeleteMeg