Single parenting can be full of its own misery at times. Carrying the burden for your child's salvation, physical well-being, education, and ultimately their entire livelihood all by yourself can lead to many moments of frustration and negativity. Sure there are wonderful and amazing moments, and my prayer for you is that more times than not your experiences are full of greatness. However, truth be told is that the moments of misery will come and you will be left to determine how you will touch those around you during those times. Will you be "Debbie-Downer" or will you seek to rise above what is going on within your circumstance and put a smile on your face? Remember the blog I wrote entitled: What Is Your Megaphone Broadcasting? Well I think that along with how you handle your emotions and output, it is just as important how you handle the emotions of others and their input into your life.
If you find yourself around someone who is trying to bring you down, just give them a smile and remember to pray for them as they are suffering in their own misery. Don't add to it, just simply pray that they would find relief and a better attitude.
Top 5 Ways to Deal with a Difficult or Negative Person
1) Extend grace and pray, pray, pray. This will not only help your attitude toward them, but will also help give you grace for them when you start to feel under attack.
2) Resist the urge to judge them or their situation. It is hard to offer someone compassion if they have already been placed into an "unforgiven" category.
3) Maintain a positive space around you and walk away when negativity starts to occur.
4) Restrict emotional responses. Answer verbal or non-verbal words with compassion. If compassion fails at alleviating the tone, then speak with a kind but direct manner to what you need with as little emotion as possible.
5) Remember, numbers have proven that with negativity comes stress and disease. Keep yourself healthy and concentrate on remaining positive. Surround yourself with as many positive people as you can.
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Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
Philippians 4:8-9
What happens when you are the cause of the negativity? I mean when you have tried to do something right and the other person takes it completely wrong, causing the negativity plus gossip and backbiting within the church? What about when you have apologized and that has gone totally unacknowledged to the point that you are placed in what you have called above an "unforgiven" category? And, those people who participated in the gossip have put you in that same "unforgiven" category and are treating you just as poorly now as the original person? If you have been a Christian for any length of time, you have surely been on the end of the "unforgiven" category at least once, in my case numerous times. You can't talk about it with anyone, let alone your spouse because he just doesn't understand or he gets angry and wants to "fix" it by confronting all of those involved. What do you do when you can't get away from it and have to face it each time you go to church? What if these 5 ways to deal with a difficult or negative person just flat out don't work and you've tried them all several times to no avail? What if you are at your wits end with it all? Do you stop going to church? Do you find another church? What's left to try?
ReplyDeleteI am very sorry to hear of your situation and I can understand why you feel at your wits end. You are responsible for your actions, and your actions only. If you have asked for forgiveness it is their decision whether or not to forgive you. It is extreme that they would create such a hostile environment around you and they have now become the negative people surrounding you. This is hurtful and very emotional for you. The 5 steps outlined above are not problem solvers but are to help you gain your own peace of mind. The Bible tells us to pray for our enemies and God can work miracles. I can almost guarantee that if you spend time each day in genuine prayer over their lives (not their actions toward you) to come to a better place with the Lord, you will begin to feel compassion for them and it will take a little of the sting away. It may never solve the negativity they portray, but praying for them may help you. As described in #3, if you feel that it has come to the point that you need to walk away then that is a decision that only you can make. I would suggest before taking that extreme that you meet with those involved and your pastor. Clear the air of possible gossip that turned to untruths and be honest with how their actions make you feel. If you are in prayer daily over this situation, I trust that the Holy Spirit will impress what your next move will be. I will be praying for your situation as well.
DeleteHi Meg,
DeleteI just wanted to let you know that your sentence above, "I can almost guarantee that if you spend time each day in genuine prayer over their lives (not their actions toward you)..." has had a positive impact in my life today. Thank you!
I'm so glad Kimberly! God at work... :)
DeleteThank you Harvy.
ReplyDeletemy husband left me because he said i was this way .. now i really feel unforgivable .. he found a girlfriend 14 years younger than him says God is in his life and he can be happy. My family is gone . I lost my husband and stepdaughter and his family. How do I overcome this? he had already asked her to marry him were not divorced. i struggle everyday now. I have to be cordial to him for our son. He is letting her live with him and play mommy already I just moved out at beginning of the month this the day I left she came in. Now my stepdaughter. can't even talk to me or see me.
ReplyDeleteIf you would please email me at: megelowery@gmail.com, I'd love to respond but feel your situation needs privacy to discuss. I am very sorry you are going through this.
Delete