Life Under A Microscope
I have friends who are married and have children, and setting aside the dual parent blessing, there seems to be a much different life led by them. They are never questioned when they decide to take a family vacation as to how they are able to afford that. They do not regularly receive pity from others during public tantrums or the dealings with a misbehaved child and likely would not endure a conversation of living in an unsafe area for their children.
Sometimes when I write this blog, I realize that I'm trying to appease all who read it- married, single, divorced, kids/no kids. That's a lot of pressure until I remember that this blog isn't for everyone. It is for single parents. It is referencing situations that we deal with or encounter that not everyone will understand or even agree with. That being said, I have opinions just like everyone and encounter the world through my own eye goggles. My attempt is not to state fact, but to state my opinions and offer ideas and encouragement through my experiences. That's really what it's all about, right? Offering encouragement to others through the situations our lives take us in.
Why is it that single parents, whether male or female feel put under a microscope and analyzed? Why is it that when someone doesn't have a spouse, they are immediately deemed incapable of making decisions for their children without the helpful input or analytic advice from others? Even I, find myself sometimes being the culprit of unsolicited advice towards a fellow single-parent friend.
Like I said, this is my opinion but I think it's because that is how people want to help. We ask and ask for help and there just isn't a clear direction as to how someone can help. Most likely, they do not mean any harm and truthfully are trying to be the "other" voice of reason we simply do not have as single parents. Helping comes in many forms and we just haven't been clear in our ask.
We also need to realize that there are stigmas attached to single parenting that we are just not going to get away from. We make less money, are completely stressed out and tired all the time and that we are anxiously awaiting our soul mate. Are we these things sometimes? Sure. All of the time, likely not. But it's important for us to realize within ourselves that we are capable people. We are amazing individuals who care so much for our children that we are giving all we can of ourselves. We are not better or worse off in our situations but we are doing the best we can, just like our friends and family who try to help us in any way that they can. Sometimes, that advice is needed and sometimes it's not. Take it or leave it, but always keep perspective. We have reason to be proud of our families and ourselves.