I was just 2 minutes too late to
pick up my son from daycare. I pulled
up just as he took a spill down this very small ramp that the kids ride down as
they sit on a board with wheels. One
child rode behind him and then ran into him thrusting the board into his back
and knocking him onto the cement where his elbow caught his fall. I walked up right after this happened and my son was on his way into the building for an ice pack and attention. The scrapes were very minor and he did great
even walking to the car to leave.
Once in the car, it is like the
flood-gate of emotions tumbled out of his big heart. He couldn’t stop crying and it even got to
the point of scream-crying. I drove home
trying to console him but he couldn’t be consoled. I think sometimes kids are so strong and then
something small just bursts out all of the tears or emotions they have been
holding onto.
We got inside and I just held him
on the couch as I made sure the crying was pure emotion and not broken bones
etc. Noticing how completely filthy he was,
I suggest a bath or shower so he can get clean and feel better and he wails,
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”. He is now doing
the “I’m so tired I can’t function” crying (know that one?). I stand firm that he can choose but one or
the other is happening and that I will help and that I want to take care of him
and help him to feel better. We proceed
to go through an agonizing bath experience full of resistance and tears and I
wrap a towel around him and hold him. I ask if he is feeling any better at
all and his answer... “I wish I was with my dad.”
Wow, those words cut like a knife.
I just spent the past hour and a half loving on this child despite his
horrible tantrums and tears and he wants his dad. (Perspective Meg…perspective.) I get him in his jammies and ask him why he
wants his dad. His answer: “My dad would
never do that to me. He would just let me cry.”
I said, “Oh I see. Did you want
to keep crying?” He said, “Well no, but
I didn’t want a bath.” So, we called his
dad. His dad proceeded to tell him that
I was doing the right thing and he would have done the same if not told him to
stop crying when it was obviously not a pain issue. That he may have been more “suck it up” with
him and my child looks at me after the
phone call and says, “Okay, I’m glad I was with you. I’m sorry that I hurt your
feelings.” *sigh*
Can’t kids just make you feel
crazy sometimes? One moment you are
worried, and then you are compassionate because your deep love for your child
hates to see the tears, and then you are baffled as to why you are being pushed
away! Didn’t I do everything right?
Didn’t I react calm and collected, while emotionally safe for him? It is in these times that our children are
watching our reactions the most. They
are learning how their words and actions make people feel. If they can’t see it, we need to tell
them. Be honest about how their actions
make you feel. My mom pointed that out
to me once; that as kids you sort of see your parents as indestructible and
capable of handling anything. They
almost don’t seem like real people who make mistakes and have feelings that can
be hurt. I believe this night; my son
learned that his actions and words can hurt his mom. I am a real person.
You are doing a good job rearing a wonderful child! He realized he hurt you and apologized. I'll be following your journey via your blog!
ReplyDeleteThank you Jamie!
DeleteI'll be following you too as we walk this walk together with our sons. Stay strong! God has wonderful plans for all of us!!
ReplyDeleteYes He does! Thanks Michelle!
DeleteWow, this really struck a chord with me! Sometimes on or the other of the girls will say something so deeply cutting that it takes me aback. I don't think they really know what they are saying or that they mean to do such harm, but they do none the less. I try to keep in in perspective, but it still stings. Let's all hope we don't have to endure too many of these moments and that God will give us the grace to parent through them!
ReplyDeleteYes, let's hope! :) Your girls love you so much! I will pray that they continue to show you love and not otherwise. Thanks for commenting, Toben!
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