Alone for the Holiday

This Christmas is the my tenth one with my son.  He was born just in time for the holidays in 2004 and through that time we have developed traditions and special inside stories that only he and I share.  After my divorce those traditions lived on and we continued to do those things that we cherish every year because despite our circumstances, I have full custody and it was never an issue of where he'd spend his holidays. 

This year my son asked me if I thought it would be okay for him to experience Christmas with his dad.  My heart sank but I know how hard that must have been for him to even bring it up.  I put on my supportive face and gulped as I said, "You are old enough to decide where you would like to spend your Christmas.  If you want to be at your dad's house, we can ask him about that."  That was a very hard statement to get out.  I stumbled over my words after that because an instant feeling of sorrow for myself and the traditions that were now going to be obsolete this year were too much to handle.  My selfishness went into overdrive as I thought of every reason why it wasn't fair to me that I was left in my marriage which left my family broken on holidays and now it is resulting in my son spending an important holiday away from me. 

It is interesting how the feelings of my divorce and frustration over an undeserving situation came flooding back to me.  I went through the cycle of denial and that he would change his mind, then to depression when he sounded sure of his decision.  This changed into anger at my ex-husband again for putting me in another lonely place by his actions many years ago, and finally acceptance. 

Through much prayer and love for my son, I realize that while this is hard on me it is even harder on him.  He has to struggle through every holiday, birthday and day-to-day living feeling torn between two people.  He will always wonder if choosing one parent over the other has caused hurt feelings or frustration. He may not always get to be with his dad when he wants to or with me when he wants to because bottom line, our divorce has caused him to feel in the middle.  It is my job to make his desire to experience a Christmas that he remembers with his dad a special one for him and that he sees support from me and not a guilt trip or sadness. 

God will teach us powerful things when we experience the hurts and frustrations in this life but we choose to listen and act in love.  I look forward to what God continues to teach me throughout this journey as a single parent.


What is God teaching you?


 

10 comments:

  1. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this. I was just thinking today that it is so hard, exhausting, frustrating, allowing my ex-husband to come see the kids during the week. But I know it is good for them.
    My dear cousin just sent me your blog today and I am blessed beyond measure to know someone else feels the same as I do.

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    1. I'm glad you found the blog! It is very tough to do what is right sometimes even though you know it is good for your children. God will give you strength!

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  2. Gosh, it is very hard on me, being that I never wanted the divorce but no matter what I did his mind was set on believing lies about me. so I am now in the process of divorce. I have the children now and they don't want to see him cause he is abusive and scary to be around. God has been teaching my patience. He keeps telling me to truly believe that everything will turn out good because he loves me and my children. I also have been lead to pray for my soon to be ex, he needs prayer and even though it doesn't seem like much, it's the best thing I can do. I look for the good through the bad and listento and sing lots of Christian songs. I am growing closer to God through it all. I hope I can help others one day that are going through the same situation.

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    1. Praying for your ex is a great place to start in your healing. I have no doubt that your story will be used for God's glory and to help others that encounter a similar situation. Praying for you, Heather!

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  3. My husband and I spent Christmas morning last year at the AMC Theater watching Les Miserables and bawling our eyes out that we were not with our 8 chidlren...all of whom chose to be somewhere else for Christmas morning. Sure we had our dinner together that night but it just was NOT the same. my husbands unemployment, my active duty away from home, foreclosure, separation and lots of conflict and stress led to this mess and we don't know how to fix it...all we can do is keep praying!! We would greatly appreciate your prayers too!! Thank You!

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  4. This is my husband. His ex chose her high school boyfriend after her reunion. The only difference is the ex has full custody and gets all holidays. It's hard to see my husband so sad about the holidays.

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    1. I'm so sorry. The holidays are very difficult and seem to bring to light the brokenness that surrounds us. Praying for him and for your strength as you encourage him.

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  5. You’re such an inspiration, Meg. It’s not easy to say yes with your son’s request. Even you know that you have the full custody of your son, still it’s not easy to agree with him. But you managed to agree with him. It’s one good sign that you’re moving on to the positive direction. Divorce may be a difficult time of your life, but it makes you a stronger person.

    Lynette @ AppellateLawOffice.com

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    1. Thank you for those words, Lynette!

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