One of my main reasons for saying in the past, “I never want to be in a blended family” is that I saw the effort it would take. I honestly wasn’t up for the energy it would take to mold two families into one. Learning different parenting styles, ways of living, habits, quirks…none of that seemed attractive to me so I had resorted to staying single at least until my son was grown and out of the house.
Something for a stepparent to remember is that a new relationship with stepchildren is fragile. It can be easily made great or it can easily create bitterness. Be on the same page with your spouse as to what discipline will look like regarding your children but the delivery will be smoother when it comes from the biological parent. I’ve read books and listened to podcasts giving this advice and I can tell you in my own situation that this is completely true. My son knows that Duane and I are on the same page and often Duane is in the room or nearby during delivery, but being disciplined directly from the parent he’s been used to discipline from creates less conflict for he and Duane and is better received.
You have to learn through trial and error unfortunately for what patterns work well with your family. As you grow in understanding your blended family better, the key word to remember is GRACE.