Those aren’t just feelings that go away quickly. Even when the desire or your spouse dissipates, the hurt, confusion and struggle continue. How does one heal after divorce? That is such a loaded question and one that is answered differently by many people. The common conception is that after a divorce each individual typically goes off the edge for a while. Sewing wild oats if you will. Living the life they felt that they were taken from during their marriage. For others it is to quickly jump back into another marriage for fear of being alone. There is not one magic recipe for healing, but I will tell you that all of the above is toxic to healthy healing.
Your healing will depend on your circumstance. It will depend on whether or not you have kids and if your ex will be in your “every other weekend” life or your “day to day” or not at all. The pain of your divorce will last a long time. It will hurt like crazy but it is really important to stay single for a while. That timeline will be different for everyone but you need to rediscover who you are in Christ and in a healthy way.
I began journaling, reading scripture and taking notes. I began spending time with girlfriends who would lift me up and be good godly examples to me. It was painful to exist around married friends, but it was vital to understanding good, godly marriages. To see the reality that every marriage struggles, but the discovery was in how those around me handled their issues in healthy ways. This was very important should I ever find myself in another relationship.
I believe that God blesses a persistent heart. One that craves to know truth and to live according to scripture. Learning to do that in your healing process is key. It takes time and energy. But for now if you are in your early stages of healing, just rest in Him. Rest in His love. He loves you more than anyone can and He loves your children more than you do. They will be okay.