Let go and let God

“Just let go Meg, I’ve got this!”  Those words ring over and over in my head daily as I read scripture and pray with God.  If I clearly obtain this phrase in my head each time I dive into God’s Word, why then is it so hard for me to simply do that…let go?

If you are like me, you have been hurt and possibly even hurt beyond measure.  Things or people you once trusted proved to be untrustworthy.  Situations and your life goals completely did a “one-eighty” on you when it was determined you were going to be a single parent.  I do not know what has gotten you to the place you are now, but I do understand the pain and the frustration that goes along with it.  I want to write specifically to the issues of trust and control.
 

It is a very easy transition that happens within the moments of finding out your life is going to be changed forever.  Maybe you were encountering a divorce, maybe you became pregnant outside of wedlock, or maybe you encountered the death of a spouse.  Whatever brought you to the situation you now find yourself in, quite possibly you found yourself facing trust and control issues.
 

For me, losing a husband because of abuse, neglect, and outside relationships had caused me to shut down in the trust department.  At the same time, I lost a lot of friends due to judgment and early on I felt I couldn’t even trust my family to stand behind my decision.  I easily became a skeptic of anyone trying to become a part of my life or my son’s life.  I had to be shown that I could trust someone before I did.   I also began controlling every aspect of my life.  I put up a wall to my emotions and fears and just did what I had to do to survive.  Can you relate to this?

It is a constant struggle to let my guard down and trust God to do wonderful things in our lives.  I often find myself in situations wondering where God’s answer is and then BAM!  I realize that I am holding the reigns and I haven’t fully let go of my grip.  Thankfully, God understands and God graciously forgives.  Won’t you join me in daily letting go of the reigns of this life so that God can do miraculous things?!

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
– Proverbs 3:5-6

Overcoming Guilt

The dreams I had of being a full time stay at home mom to my son had changed to: motherhood AND career.  First it was intentional, and then it was very unintentional.  While I personally feel that women should have “something” outside of the home to hold onto and have ownership of, my heart is very heavy and full of guilt each time I walk my son into his daycare.  He thrives with the other children; however it is a necessity and not a luxury for him to encounter such a place.  

In order to be the financial provider of your home, you must work full time and you must then work enough hours to pay for someone else to watch your child while you work to pay them.  Read that again…you have to work to pay someone else to raise your child, while you work! The guilt that goes along with this is excruciating! Even for someone who wants to work, you still feel guilt when you pick up your child and you hear that they had a first happen that day.  Or what about the time when you picked up your son or daughter and heard that they got hurt and someone else made them feel better? It is a rollercoaster of emotions.

One side of the coin for me: I love working outside of the home each day because I have amazing co-workers who are also like family.  I am supported and I am loved.  I get to work towards the Kingdom of God. I get to encounter Jesus daily in everything I do! I get to leave my "day job" early enough to pick him up from school!  I am supporting my child.

Other side of the coin for me: I have to hurry my son through breakfast and morning rituals to get him out the door on time.  I have to do the “walk of shame” as I like to call it as I stroll him into daycare where I give a quick kiss and hug goodbye and say, “be good today, I love you”.  I get to wonder all day if his needs are being met and if he is missing me and wishing we were together. I work in anticipation for time when I get to pack up and head over to get him, just to find he’s had emotional struggles that day, or wasn’t given enough sunscreen and now is sunburnt, or “worse” yet…his day was FANTASTIC and I missed it.

The reasons on either side of the coin are endless for me but the majority seems to lie in the negative. Maybe you don't love your job and so even being in such a place of employment is heart wrenching for you as well.  Maybe you can add "travel" into the mix of reasons you have to be away. All of these reasons create this emotional up and down syndrome that can really wear on your guilt and your mental well-being. Let’s take a look at what the bible says about this.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “
plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:10-12 NIV

Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for loving us so much that you would give the ultimate sacrifice so that we may raise our children to know you and recognize your love for them.  Help us to lean on your promise of hope and of a future for us and our children.  I pray that each person reading this will be shown little glimpses of your heavenly plan.  That we would encounter you daily and that we would be able to see you in all we do.  Lord, please give us strength to get through the days that are pressed with guilt and burdens.  We trust you in all we do and trust in your promise.  Protect our children as we are away.
In Your Name, Amen.

Welcome to my Blog!

Welcome to my blog!  I am very excited to have the pleasure of sharing my life journey and perceptions with you from the world of single parenting.  I am a firm believer that community helps in raising a child and this is true even in the two-parent home.  When an individual becomes a single parent either by choice or by force, it still takes a community to help raise a child!  The difference in my opinion is that the necessity for community comes at an even greater burden.  It is often feared, resented, or just plain not talked about, by those who do not understand what really goes on in the one-parent home.  How could someone truly understand when they haven't been there or do not know firsthand what experiences are being had by both the parent and especially the child?

You might be wondering why I am an expert to write on this topic.  Answer is simple, I'm not an expert...I'm simply living it.  Through unforeseen circumstances, I became a divorced mother of one son after 9 years of marriage.  Most of those parental years were solo parenting and so the transition to a single parent, while still hard, was already established physically.  My son has grown out of the toddlerhood stage and within the past couple of years has really started processing that our household is different, in that his Daddy lives with another family.  The stories you'll read and the interpretations that I have are simply that...mine.  I strongly encourage you to take what I write and weave them into your very own lives.

If you are reading this blog and are not a single parent, I hope to bring you insight into how you can help those around you who are.  If you are a single parent, know you are definitely not alone!  This road can be very lonely and full of the adventure you never saw yourself taking BUT it can also be an amazing journey that you will experience like no one else can.  While reading this blog, please give feedback and please provide topics that you'd like to read about.  Thank you for taking your time to join me in The Single Parenting Journey!